Local Rollerblader “Really Rips” at Allen Skatepark, Declares the Day 'Completely Ruined'

ALLEN, TX — A hopeful rollerblader’s day came to a screeching halt Tuesday afternoon when his brand-new pair of jeans met a tragic fate at the notorious Allen Skatepark, known for its “extremely rough concrete” and “merciless terrain.”

“I thought I’d just glide around, maybe try a few smooth crossovers, get my groove on,” said Ryan Mitchell, 23, his eyes downcast as he surveyed the damage to his freshly purchased Dickies 874 pants. “But the second I hit that pavement, I felt the fabric tear. And just like that, the pants were gone. My entire day? Gone too.”

Mitchell, who had just spent $89.99 on the jeans from a second-hand dickies boutique, had been looking forward to a relaxing session at the skatepark. However, the second he rolled into the bowl, a gut-wrenching sound rang out — the unmistakable sound of denim giving up under the pressure of Allen Skatepark’s unforgiving concrete.

“I heard it. It was like a rip, then the sad whoosh of denim giving up,” said Jessica Gomez, a fellow rollerblader who witnessed the tragic moment. “It was brutal. Like, you can’t just glide through a park like this in lightly used designer pants. This concrete isn’t kind to anything, especially not second-hand Dickies with the crease still in them.”

Skatepark experts confirmed that Allen’s rough surfaces have caused more wardrobe casualties than any other park in the area. “It’s one of the harshest terrains we’ve seen,” said Doug Carson, a local skatepark consultant. “If you roll through here in any kind of ‘fashionable’ clothing, it’s like asking for a tear. The park is designed for serious skaters, not someone who thinks they can just waltz in looking fresh.”

Mitchell, still in disbelief, attempted to continue rollerblading despite the large rip in his dickies, but with each move, the tear grew wider. “It just kept getting worse,” he said, his voice tinged with frustration. “Every time I crossed over the rough patches, the fabric stretched a little more. Pretty soon, my jeans were in full-blown rebellion.”

Local authorities issued a statement reminding rollerbladers to prepare for the harsh conditions at Allen Skatepark.

“Look, if you’re coming to the park, be aware of the terrain,” said Officer Carol Hayes of the Allen Police Department. “This park was made for extreme sports, not for people who think their skinny jeans can survive the wear and tear. We advise loose-fitting pants, or maybe, just stay home if you’re attached to your denim.”

Mitchell, now defeated, slowly wheeled around the parking lot, clutching his rollerblades as if they were a painful reminder of his fashion failure.

“I just wanted to have fun. Maybe nail a few tricks, make a couple of videos for my social media,” he sighed. “But now I’m stuck with these destroyed jeans and no Instagram story to show for it. I’ll never make that mistake again. Next time, I’m going full-on cargo pants. Or, I don’t know, maybe a onesie? Anything that’ll protect my dignity—and my jeans.”

As of press time, Mitchell was reportedly considering a trip to the nearest mall to “find something that won’t get destroyed at the skatepark,” but no plans had been confirmed.